19

Even After Everything

The door closed softly behind Akanksha and Sorab.

For a few seconds, the entire living room remained silent.

Nobody spoke.

Their eyes slowly turned toward Yogesh.

He was still standing near the hallway, staring at the door through which Akanksha had disappeared.

Subhangi watched him carefully.

"Yogesh..."

He looked at her.

"Tu theek hai na?"

A faint, almost meaningless smile appeared on his face.

"Abhi... haan. I guess."

But there was nothing in his eyes that suggested he was okay.He turned around and started walking toward his room.

"Kahan ja raha hai?" Gullu asked.

"Room mein."

"Itni bhi kya jaldi hai?" Gullu tried to sound casual. "Chal, idhar baith. Do minute."

Yogesh stopped.

He didn't say yes.

He didn't say no either.

After a moment, he turned around and quietly followed them into the living room.

They all sat down.

For a while, nobody knew what to say.

The conversation they had all been waiting for had finally happened.

Akanksha knew the truth.

Yogesh had told her everything.

And yet somehow, the silence afterward felt heavier than the questions before it.Rohit finally spoke.

"So..."

Yogesh looked at him.

"So kya?"

"Akanksha se kya baat hui?"

Yogesh lowered his eyes.

"Kya baat honi thi?"

"Use bataya..sach?"

Subhangi asked gently.

"Haan."

"Sab bata diya?"

"Haan."

Gullu leaned forward.

"Matlab... recordings wali baat bhi?"

Yogesh nodded.

"Haan."

He took a slow breath.

"Apni taraf se maine sab bata diya. Ab uski marzi hai."

He paused.

"Agar woh jaake online mere against bhi bolegi... toh I won't stop her."

Rohit looked at him.

"Tu serious hai?"

"Hmm because i deserve it..."

"Gussa nahi karega?"

Yogesh gave a tired smile.

"Gussa karne ka haq bhi toh nahi hai mere paas."

Nobody answered.

Yogesh continued quietly.

"Usse sach jaanne ka poora haq tha. Maine jo kiya... uski wajah se jo hua... usse pata hona chahiye tha."

Subhangi looked at him for a moment.

"Mujhe nahi lagta woh tere against kuch bolegi."

Yogesh's expression changed slightly.

"Pata nahi."

"Agar usse bolna hota na," Subhangi said, "toh woh kab ka bol chuki hoti."

She leaned back.

"Tum sabne dekha hai... itna kuch hone ke baad bhi usne kabhi social media par tera naam lekar kuch bura nahi kaha."

Gullu let out a breath.

"Wahi toh."

He shook his head.

"Honestly, agar uski jagah koi aur hota na... pata nahi kya hota."

Rohit gave a small nod.

"Sach bolun? Main hota uski jagah toh shayad chup nahi rehta."

Yogesh looked down at his hands.

"Main bhi nahi rehta."

Everyone looked at him.

"Uski jagah main hota toh..." He stopped.

His voice became quieter.

"Main bhi bolta. Bura-bhala bolta."

He swallowed.

"Pata nahi woh kyun nahi boli."

Silence settled again.

Then Subhangi spoke softly.

"Shayad kyunki woh tujhse kabhi pyaar karti thi."

Yogesh's eyes closed for a second.

"Shayad."

"Jab hum kisi se bahut pyaar karte hain na," Subhangi continued, "toh kabhi-kabhi unki galti se zyada unki achchai yaad rehti hai."

Yogesh looked at her.

"Even when they hurt us?"

"Even then."

Rohit nodded.

"Maybe she cared too much. Isliye gusse mein bhi tera bura nahi socha."

Gullu smiled faintly.

"Waise wo ladki hai hi aisi."

Yogesh looked at him.

"Do din mein meri dost ban gayi thi. Pata nahi kaise."

A tiny smile appeared on Yogesh's lips.

"Hmm."

But it disappeared almost immediately.

He pushed himself up from the sofa.

"Main room mein jaa raha hoon."

"Yogesh."

He stopped.

Gullu looked at him.

"Kal doctor ke paas chale?"

Yogesh immediately shook his head.

"Nahi."

"Ek baar chalne mein kya hai?"

"I'm fine."

"Tu fine nahi hai."

Yogesh sighed.

"Yaar, please."

"Kitne time se bol raha hai ye?" Rohit asked.

"Dawai le raha hoon. Theek ho jayega."

"Kab?"

Yogesh looked at him.

Rohit's patience finally broke.

"Kab theek hoga, Yogesh?"

Silence.

"Hum itne din se dekh rahe hain tujhe. Tu so nahi raha, khana properly nahi kha raha, har waqt uss kamre mein pada rehta hai..."

"Rohit-"

"Ab kya problem hai?"

Yogesh looked away.

"Akanksha se mil liya. Sach bata diya. Jo bolna tha bol diya. Toh ab tu khud ko aur kitna punish karega?"

Yogesh's jaw tightened.

"Bas kar."

"Main bas nahi karunga."

Rohit's voice softened, but his frustration remained.

"Tu hamara dost hai. Humein tension hoti hai teri."

Yogesh suddenly turned toward him.

"Toh mat lo tension!"

Everyone went quiet.

"Maine bola hai kya tum logon ko meri tension lene ke liye?"

His voice cracked.

"Chhod do mujhe."

He took a breath.

"Please."

Rohit stared at him.

Yogesh's eyes had already become wet.

"Usse sach batane ke baad bhi...."

He stopped.

Then whispered,

"Main khud ko maaf nahi kar pa raha."

Nobody interrupted.

"Tumne dekha tha usse?"

His voice trembled.

"Dekha tha uski aankhon mein?"

He wiped his cheek quickly.

"Woh has rahi thi... but I knew."

He looked down.

"Woh smile hum sabko dikhane liye thi bas..."

His lips trembled.

"Uske face pe woh pehle wali baat hi nahi thi."

He took a shaky breath.

"Akanksha pehle aisi nahi thi."

His voice became almost inaudible.

"Woh meri wajah se badli hai."

"Yogesh..."

"Main uska gunehgaar hoon."

The words came out broken.

"Tum log chahe jitna bolo ki jo hua usmein sirf meri galti nahi thi...but I know what I did."

A tear rolled down his cheek.

"Maine usse hurt kiya hai.."

He looked toward the hallway.

"Bahut zyada."

Then he turned away.

"Bas... mujhe akela chhod do."

And before anyone could answer, he walked into his room.

The door closed.

This time, nobody followed him.

They all sat there quietly.

Because they knew.

They had tried talking.

They had tried distracting him.

They had tried getting him out of the room.

But guilt was something nobody else could carry for him.

Yogesh had to decide to put it down himself.

Inside the room, Yogesh sat on the edge of his bed.His elbows rested on his knees.His face disappeared between his hands.

For several minutes, he didn't move.

Akanksha's face kept appearing in his mind.

Her silence.

Her forced smile.

The way she had looked at him.

The way she had listened to everything without shouting.

Without blaming him.and Somehow, that hurt more.

A knock came at the door.

He didn't answer.The door opened slightly.Subhangi stood there.She didn't come inside immediately.

"Yogesh?"

He didn't look up.She entered and quietly closed the door.

"Main tujhe manane nahi aayi."

Yogesh finally looked at her.

"Please, Subhangi."

"Bas kuchh der ..beth sakti hu kyaa..."..yogesh didn't said anything

She sat beside him.

Yogesh looked away.

For a while, she said nothing.

She simply placed her hand gently on his back.

Then she spoke.

"Tu jaanta hai Akanksha kyun aayi thi?"

Yogesh remained silent.

"Sirf tujhe confront karne nahi."

He looked at her.

"Usse teri fikr thi."

Yogesh's eyes dropped again.

"Woh hurt hai, Yogesh. Bahut."

A pause.

"Lekin hurt hona aur parwah khatam ho jaana... dono alag cheezein hain."

Yogesh's eyes filled again.

Subhangi continued.

"Jab woh ja rahi thi na..."

She paused.

"Usne jab mujhe hug kiya."

Yogesh looked up.

"Us waqt bhi usne kya kaha pata hai?"

He didn't answer.

"'Yogesh ko doctor ke paas le jaana wo khud kabhi nahi jayega."

Yogesh froze.

His lips parted slightly, but no words came out.

"Usse apne baare mein kuch nahi bolna tha."

Subhangi smiled sadly.

"Usne tere baare mein kaha."

Yogesh looked down.

"She still cares."

"Subhangi..."

"Main ye nahi keh rahi ki tu uske paas ja. Main ye bhi nahi keh rahi ki woh tujhe maaf karegi."

She paused.

"Woh uska decision hai."

Yogesh nodded slowly.

"Lekin ek cheez tere haath mein hai."

He looked at her.

"Khud ko barbaad karna band kar."

Yogesh said nothing.

"Guilt tujhe ye samjha raha hai ki agar tu khud ko takleef deta rahega, toh shayad tera kiya hua balance ho jayega."

Her voice softened.

"Lekin aisa nahi hota."

Yogesh's eyes lowered.

"Tu jo kar chuka hai, woh change nahi kar sakta ab."

A tear fell from his eye.

"Lekin tu ye decide kar sakta hai ki us galti ke baad tu kaisa insaan banega."

Yogesh remained completely still.

"Doctor ke paas jaana koi weakness nahi hai."

She stood up.

"Ek baar mil le."

He didn't answer.

"Hamare liye nahi."

She looked at him.

"Uske liye bhi nahi."

A pause.

"Khud ke liye."

Yogesh's eyes followed her.Subhangi walked toward the door.Before leaving, she turned around.

"Tu usse maafi maang chuka hai abb age tuje maff karna ya nahi wo uska call hai"

Yogesh looked down.

"Ab khud ko punish karna band karna bhi seekh."

She opened the door.

"Baaki... jab tu ready ho."

The door closed quietly behind her.

Yogesh sat alone.

The room was silent again.He slowly leaned forward and buried his face in his hands.His shoulders trembled.

But this time, beneath all the guilt, another thought remained.

Doctor.

Akanksha had asked Subhangi to take him.

Even after everything.

Even after knowing the truth.

She had still worried about him.

Yogesh closed his eyes.

"Why, Akanksha..."

His voice broke.

"Why do you still care?"

No answer came.

Only silence.

And somewhere between that silence and his tears, a question began forming in his mind.

Maybe getting better wouldn't erase what he had done.

Maybe it wouldn't bring Akanksha back.

Maybe she would never forgive him.

But perhaps...

getting better was the first thing he could do that wasn't for her.

It was for himself.

For the person he still had a chance to become.

Yogesh slowly lifted his head.

His eyes fell on the

medicine kept on the table.

He stared at it for a long moment.

Then he looked toward the closed door.

For the first time in months, he didn't think about running away from his guilt.

He wondered if he could finally face it.

One day at a time.

One step at a time.

But whether he would actually take that first step...

Even Yogesh didn't know yet.

And somewhere far away, Akanksha was probably asking herself a completely different question-

Could she ever forgive the person who had hurt her the most?

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